What’s in a Name?

Prior to my Divorce Hearing, my attorney reviewed the documents with me and we discussed the section pertaining to my name. After the Hearing, I would be able to revert to my maiden name. I did not have to do so, but I could.

My last name was always a point of contention in my marriage. I wanted my name hyphenated. My ex-husband did not like that. He would complain about picking up my prescriptions as they would call him by my maiden name. When we got married I was almost thirty years old. I had my maiden name for almost thirty years. Graduated with my Master’s Degree under my maiden name. Created a reputation at work under my maiden name… But mostly it was my family name. So why should I have to drop it because of some antiquated tradition? 

In the weeks post divorce, one of the most asked questions (aside from “how are you?”) was: “What are you going to do about your last name?”

My brother and I had a conversation that went along these lines:

Him: So you going to change your name?
Me: Well, I have permission to do so.
Him: Wait, you need permission?
Me: Yes, it’s in my Court orders.
Him: So?
Me: Well, the kids have his last name.
Him: Change their name too!
Me: Yeah, like my ex would ever go for that. Plus Monkey knows her last name and Bear does too…. Just seems like a ton of work.
Him: Yeah, but they really are more B— than L— anyway.
Me: Very true, but still not going to happen.

It’s about the kids…

That is what it comes down to. My kids know my ex’s last name as their name. They do not even know my name is hyphenated. Why would they? As far as they know, I’m L just like them. While my brother is very correct, my kids spend way more time with my side of the family and always have, they do not understand the significance of a last name, outside of it being their name.

Will I change it in the future? Probably. Maybe once they are adults. Maybe if I remarry. Who knows what will happen down the road. My last name, BL, is the real truth regarding our children – they are a blend of both sides of the families. No matter how I feel about the L last name, without that name, I would not have two amazing, beautiful, funny, intelligent daughters.

So, for now, I remain BL. I’m forever tied to the L family and they to my family. 

So what?

You never really realize what is in a name until it’s “gone.” Recently I was wondering around a craft fair. The monogrammed towels and painted signs all sported one thing – last names. 

While my last name is BL, my kids are L. But I don’t want to be the L household. That’s where I draw the line. But it also sucks. I can’t have the cute sign for the holidays. I can no longer paint the family tree in our hallway like I planned with L Family above it. I feel like I’m in limbo. Not entirely belonging in either place. I’m not welcome by some of the L family, so I do not feel positive about adopting that family name for the cute stuff. 

Hmm… What’s in a Name – seems like there is a ton of identity with a simple word. Just like everything else, it’s a process and we will figure it out together one day at a time. 

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Year of Firsts

When I am talking with a newly bereaved or soon to be bereaved person we often talk of “a year of firsts.” The basic idea is that everything that first year after a loss is new and freshly painful. Then after that first year, things get better. They don’t hurt as much. Adjustments have already been made in traditions. Sure there are still things to hurt your heart: Weddings, the birth of a baby, graduations, etc. But that first year is the hardest. 
In the weeks and months after my separation and subsequent divorce I found myself using the same structure. While divorce is not the death of a person, it is the death of a life – the dreams you had, the plans you made. That life is over. And you grieve. It doesn’t matter if that life was good, bad, indifferent… It’s still over. You still grieve. 

The holidays are the worst. My ex-husband officially left right before Mother’s Day. It sucked. The girls had no gifts to give me. Luckily my Mum thought of it and had them make something and give me some bulbs (which grew huge this year). Granted it wasn’t about me needing a gift. It was more about them not having one to give because their father didn’t get them one to give. I have ensured they have something for every holiday to give their father and I will continue to do so because he is their father and it is the right thing to do (according to my set of morals and values). 

Now it is December. The time of year for family and love. The time for honored traditions and, let’s face it, division of labor. I always decorated the inside, my ex-husband the outside. He handled tree prep and I did tree decorating. This year, it is the me show. 

The Tree…

I showed that tree who was boss – okay I almost gave up, almost called my Dad to help me, almost… almost… but DIDN’T! Ignore that I totally should have pulled my car out and did that in the garage. Next year!

The Ornaments…

This gave me horrible anxiety. I was asking mom-friends what to do with all these cute-gag-worthy-yearly-ornaments we had accumulated over the years over two months ago. Also, I found myself Pinteresting ways to decorate my tree. I did not want my ex-husband looking at me from MY tree. So I decided on a theme and went with it. I imagined myself sitting over the box of ornaments after the kids went to bed crying into a bottle of wine while I picked up each yearly one and remembered the life that was gone. 

Guess what? The kids wanted to help me and I shoved the shit that reminded me of him into a box to donate (or catharticly burn) at a later date. My eldest (Monkey) wanted to keep a picture of the three of us from her first Christmas. I let her. I’m not going to erase her life just because my ex is in it. He is still her father.

A Year of Firsts. Well, so far, I’ve put up my own tree and decorated the outside of the house. The inside is coming along, but the main things are done. Now to get through the rest of this first year in style. 

There will be things going into the second year that are different – like not having them certain holidays or for their birthdays. But, we will make new traditions. 

I intend to show my girls that when life goes on different path than you planned, lace up your boots and get walking because it’s going to be an adventure!

Posted in Christmas, Life | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

What’s for Dinner: Pumpkin and Apple Soup

Aahhh Fall. 

Pumpkin Spice everything.

Although it’s September, it’s been bloody hot here in Chicagoland. This is more amusing since the ENTIRE FREAKING SUMMER WAS COOL. Okay, I feel better. Maybe.

Fall brings on sweaters and jeans, changing leaves, and, of course, Halloween! But it also means soup weather has returned. So, even though it was 80+°F yesterday, I am making soup and no one will stop me.

Last year I cooked all my pumpkins and froze the flesh for cooking – muffins and soups mostly. I still had two bags left and some other items in my fridge that needed using up. 

Ingredients

  • 2 large apples, roughly chopped
  • Approx 3 cups roasted pumpkin (acorn or butternut squash will also work)
  • 2 cups broccoli (I used stems I had frozen)
  • 1/2 onion or 2-3tbsp of dried onion
  • 8 cups broth (any will work, I used homemade pork broth)
  • 1 tbsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp white pepper
  • 1/2 tbsp Allspice
  • 1/2 tsp ground clove
  • Salt to taste
  • Can of coconut milk fat separated out
    • Directions
      Combine everything accept the coconut milk in slow cooker and cook on low for 8hrs. Once cooked, blend using an immersion blender or in batches. Be careful as the liquid is hot. 

      Once combined, stir in cream/fat from the canned coconut. If too thin, transfer to pot and bring to boil, uncovered.
      Add chicken or other protein as desired. Serve with crusty bread.

      Posted in Cooking, Kitchen Sink Cooking, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

      What’s for Dinner: DF Mushroom, Broccoli, Goats Cheese Quiche

      After becoming comfortable in my own skin, I have started to realize the things I used to love that I stopped enjoying. Little things. Part of it was because I just did not care to hear the jabs about how mushrooms smelt when cooking or did not want to deal with the gagging noises or carrying on about fish. The other part was that I just could not be bothered to cook multiple meals. No one has time for that. So, the things I liked fell by the wayside. But yet, I cooked him ham. Something I despise. I even ate it.

      So quiche. Before I found out I was allergic to cows milk, I would order a Quiche Lorraine every single time I went to Mimi’s Cafe. That crust and the cheese… heaven. But now, it’s not in the cards.

      However, there are so many dairy free (DF) options now and I have discovered that I can eat sheep and goat cheeses (as long as they are not made with cows milk cultures, check your labels!).

      I will be traveling a bit for a conference over the next few days and needed something portable and also something that would be sustaining. Quiche!

      This basic recipe can be adapted to use any veggies you have on hand. You could include meats of your choice (bacon?) and change up the spices. The coconut will be naturally sweet, so be careful of adding too much sweet flavors.

      IMG_20170913_211552 Ingredients

      • 1 Refrigerated Pie Crust
      • 7 eggs
      • 1 1/4 cups of coconut milk (canned kind)
      • Generous pinch of tarragon and garlic powder
      • Dried onion (I was lazy and didn’t cut any fresh – 1/2 cup of fresh, diced)
      • 1 container of baby portabella mushrooms
      • Approx a cup of broccoli florets
      • grape seed oil
      • salt and pepper to taste
      • approx 8oz of soft goats cheese
      Directions 
      Unroll pie crust into pie dish and preheat oven to 375
      In large pan heat approx 2 tablespoons of grape seed oil, then saute the mushrooms and broccoli on med heat until tender. Season with salt and pepper and set aside.
      Whisk the eggs, coconut milk, spices, onion (if using fresh, diced, cook above).
      Layer the veggies on the bottom of the pie crust, then crumble the goats cheese over the top. Pour the egg mixture over the veggies and cheese. Season with salt and pepper. Bake for 40-50 minutes or until the egg in the center is set. Serve warm or cold.
      Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

      I be Jamming: Standard Strawberry, Sweet Cherry, and Vanilla Black Raspberry Jams

      Last year we decided to receive a summer fruit share from a local CSA (Community Supported Agriculture). It worked out fantastic! Ex-Hubby and I were eating a couple fruit smoothies a week and the whole family was enjoying fresh fruit with every meal. When I ordered it all at the beginning of the year, Ex-Hubby and I decided to give 1.5 shares a go (one week receive just one share, next week receive a double share). Since then we became a family of three, so 1.5 shares is to much for us to power through. Luckily, each week I have received fruits I can turn to jam or freeze, ensuring nothing goes to waste.

      I do not generally water bath my jams. I am originally from England and grew up with jams that were set without the use of pectin and without the use of a water bath. So, use your best judgement. I have read blog posts suggesting that these jams be refrigerated and consumed within 6 months. 

      Again, use your best judgement! I store where I have room.

      Helpful items for canning jam:

       Standard Strawberry Jam

      Now these strawberries were actually picked by myself, the rug-rats, and Granna from a local U-Pick… When you want like 8lbs of strawberries you kinda need to do that! The kids also ate their weight in strawberries. So good day all around. 

      Ingredients

      16oz Strawberries, washed and rough chopped
      14oz sugar
      1tsp (or so) of lemon (when using fresh you need more, 1tbsp)

      Cook the strawberries low and slow until they break down. Sometimes I help them along with a potato masher. I often do this while doing other things around the house. Just stir occasionally so they don’t burn. No water needed, the juice will cook out. 

      Once cooked, add your sugar and lemon juice. Bring to boil and stir. Keep a candy thermometer in the pot and cook to 220°F. Once it reaches that temp or close to it, you will start to see the bubbles change: have a film over them and don’t pop as easily. Take a small amount and put it on a cold plate (from the freezer) and cool. Test to see if it’s set. Jam ripples when touched and is like a thick jell. 

      Pour into hot, clean jars, and allow to cool overnight. If the lid did not seal (button popped down) jam must be kept in the fridge and eaten first. Once cool, should not run once the jam when turned. 

      Sweet Cherry Jam

      My brother did not appear to think that you could make cherry jam without pectin and have it set. Wrong. Now you do have to cook it longer than strawberry jam, but move set without issue. 

      Ingredients

      16oz Sweet Cherries, washed and pitted
      8oz sugar
      1tsp (or so) of lemon (when using fresh you need more, 1tbsp)

      Sweet cherries are 2:1 fruit to sugar. So you can do basically any quantity as long as it’s 2:1. Cooking the cherries down, reducing the juice from the fruit, is very important. You don’t want them to be burnt or overcooked, but you need the juice from the fruit reduced without draining the juice and losing flavor. 

      Once cooked down, follow the same steps as with the strawberries. Cook to a setting point of 220°F and then can into hot, clean jars. 

      I found this jam took much, much longer than my strawberry did. I think the amount of juice was too much from the start so I will need to make sure to cook it down further in the future. But it is set and amazing, especially with peanut butter… Don’t judge me, I have a five year old who lives on PB&J. 

      Vanilla Black Raspberry Jam

      Black raspberries have a slightly different taste to their red siblings, I found them to be less tart personally and more, almost bland but not in a bad way. I felt like they needed something to make them pop. Enter vanilla bean sugar. This is something so simple to make and adds so much to a dish. I use plain, white sugar and vanilla pods. Using kitchen sissors, cut down the length of the vanilla bean pod and put in a large wide mouth canning jar. Do this with 3-4 pods and then fill with sugar. Seal and store for awhile (think months). Shake every now and again to mix it up. Once the sugar takes on a vanilla taste, use the sugar as you would in any baking recipe for an extra kick of flavor. I’ve just topped with sugar once getting low and used the same pods a couple times.

      Ingredients

      16oz Black Raspberries, washed
      16oz Vanilla Bean Sugar, instructions above
      1tsp (or so) of lemon (when using fresh you need more, 1tbsp)

      Black raspberries are 1:1 ratio with sugar same as regular raspberries. 

      Wash the raspberries and cook on low to break down the fruit. Speed up with a potato masher once the fruit is heated through. 

      As the sugar and lemon and bring to boil. Cook to 220°F as with the other jams and can in hot, clean jars once the jam sets on a freezer plate. 

      I now have a small army of jam for my children to devour over the coming months, enjoy!

      Posted in Cooking, Gardening | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

      Banana Sour Cherry Muffins


      I’m going to jinx myself: tonight was good. Our area is flooded, so many of my friends and family are trying to keep their basements dry. But despite last night’s epic five-year-old-Monkey-meltdown and subsequent restrictions/consequences; we managed to have very minimal melt downs, played ball with the dogs (inside, the yard is a water logged, sodden mess), cleaned a bit, and I even finally baked my banana muffins! 

      Yup, totally going to jinx myself. It’s started to rain. Should have just kept my mouth shut! 

      I’ve been jamming my way through my CSA fruit share as, when I ordered my fruit share, we were a family of four. Not so much now and there is way too much for us to eat. My share this week was blueberries, sour cherries, and apricots. The blueberries will be eaten and/or frozen, same with the apricots. But what to do with the cherries? More jam? I had some rather “dead” bananas and decided to add some diced cherries to banana bread muffins.

      I based my recipe off No-Fat Banana Applesauce Muffins. Couple changes: I used brown sugar not white, added the cherries (about 1/2 cup pitted and diced). I think next time I would increase the cinnamon and maybe add vanilla. 

      INGREDIENTS

      • 34 cups flour
      • 12 cup brown sugar
      • 1  teaspoon baking powder
      • 12 teaspoon baking soda
      • 12 teaspoon cinnamon
      • 12 teaspoon nutmeg
      • 12 teaspoon salt
      • 2 eggs
      • 1 cup banana (about 3 very ripe), mashed
      • 12 cup sour cherries, pitted and diced
      • 12 cup unsweetened applesauce

      DIRECTIONS

      1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
      2. Coat 12-cup muffin pan with coconut oil or other similar oil.
      3. Combine the dry ingredients and mix well. In stand mixer bowl (or other separate bowl of hand mixing), mix all the wet ingredients until eggs are well combined. Add  dry mixture in slowly until combined. Using a spatula, fold in diced cherries (you don’t want to liquidize them with the beaters).
      4. Scoop into muffin tin.
      5. Bake for 15 – 25 minutes. (My oven baked right around 20 minutes). Test tops, if they “spring back” or a wooden toothpick comes out clean, they are done!
      6. Let the cool a few minutes in the pan, then transfer to cooling rack. Enjoy warm or cool. Freeze nicely too.  
      Posted in Cooking, Kitchen Sink Cooking | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

      What’s for dinner: Broccoli and Carrot Soup

      I had an abundance of broccoli in the fridge this week and didn’t have any ham to make my go-to scalloped potatoes dinner. It was a mix of stems and florets as I don’t generally steam the stems as part of dinner. 

      But what to make?

      I really miss the simple “cream of” soups and now that I’m totally dairy free, it’s not easy to find a replacement in the store. I found a very simple cream of broccoli soup and adapted it a bit. Worked out to five two cup servings at 98 calories for a serving! I cooked up some Italian sausage and tossed it in before serving. My two year old ate it up (but don’t call it soup… “No soup!” Call it sauce and put it on a plate… Whatever works) and my almost five year old… Well she never eats dinner. Hubby and I thought it was fantastic and I will make it again.

      Ingredients
      1 tbsp oil of your choice
      1 medium onion, diced
      3 cloves of garlic, crushed
      1 tsp herbs de provence
      3 medium carrots, chopped
      4 cups broccoli, chopped
      4 cups broth of your choice
      1/2 cup full fat coconut milk
      Salt & Pepper to taste

      Directions
      Heat oil on medium low heat in a large pot, then add onion and garlic until fragrant and onion is starting to become translucent. Then add herbs de provence cook until fragrant, then add carrots and broccoli. Cook for a few minutes, the add the broth and coconut milk. Salt and pepper, then cover pot and bring to a boil. Once boiling reduce heat to a simmer and cook until.veggies are soft. 

      You can either cool, then blend with an.immersion blender or carefully blend while hot. I was not eating right away, so I cooled, blended, and reheated. 

      Serve with protein of choice.

      Posted in Cooking, Kitchen Sink Cooking | Tagged | Leave a comment

      End of August: What’s in the Garden?

      ​This morning I picked more plum tomatoes. The Red Zebras are almost ready and the Salsa Hybrids are almost done. Still tons of cherry tomatoes despite the plants dying of early from disease, glad it doesn’t affect the fruit! The pumpkins are almost all orange, the butternut squashes are starting to turn too, and I still have tons and tons of Cupcake Squash.

      I’m thinking I will try Zucchini bread with the Cupcake Squash. I could see peppers, but Hubby is sleeping so I didn’t want to leave the Munchkins inside to long! I’ll check more a bit later. Gotta take a look at the fall leafy greens I planted and see what needs thinning. 

      I’ve started some canning, but I’m sure there is more to come in the weeks ahead.

      Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

      Winter Glove & Hat Decorative Drying Sign

      image

      Making a play off all those cute “Free Dobby” lost sock laundry signs, this glove and hat drying sign was born. We have no where in our house to hang the snow covered, wet gloves and hats. I looked around last year on Pinterest for ideas and found a few, but nothing that screamed make me!

      image

      What you need:
      Wooden Sign
      Wooden Pegs
      Staple Gun (and Staples!)
      Paint or Adhesive Vinyl and a Cutting Machine (Cricut etc)
      Tracing Items, if using (tracing paper, pencils)

      I had two signs left over from another project I did. They were pre-strung for hanging and already finished, so they did not need to be painted.

      I took five large, wooden pegs from my laundry room and took one side off, allowing me to staple the pegs to the sign.

      image

      I did not want to use glue because of the drying time and also I was concerned about longevity.

      image

      Then I slid the removed part of the peg back in to reassemble it.

      Once they were all stapled and reassembled, I started to transfer snowflakes and “Let it Snow” onto the sign in preparation for painting over it. To make an easy transfer, find the image you want or write/draw it yourself.

      image

      If printing an image from the computer, you will have to first trace the image onto tracing paper (or wax baking paper), then flip the paper over and retrace the lines to transfer the image.

      image

      If drawing directly into the tracing paper, you can skip that step. When transferring writing you do need to flip the paper over, retrace the lines on the back, and then flip it back over to transfer or your words will be backwards!

      Once transferred, you can paint over the lines (which as you can see are very faint).

      image

      I really like this technique as it gives the appearance of free hand painting, but a safety net for those that need/want it.

      image

      Then get to painting. You could also use adhesive vinyl and cut out the words/decorations. I decided not to go this way due to the gaps between the pieces of wood. I did multiple layers of the white craft paint as it soaked into the wood. I then used another color to accent the white. Wanted to keep it simple, for once!

      Posted in DIY, Projects In-an-Evening | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

      Container Gardening: Building A Raised Vegetable Garden

      image

      image

      At the end of last year I decided that my 8×8 Vegetable patch needed some work. It was floor level and although we added a fence to keep the dogs out, it was hard to manage due to the size and layout. So I drew up some crude plans, researched lumber, and handed the project over to Hubby for him to determine the details.

      I decided to go with something that was a bit more interesting to the eye verses two 4×8 beds with a path down the middle. I decided on two 3×6 beds with a 3×3 in the corner so I was able to work on both sides of the bed easily and also create some levels to give the structure something to catch the eye. I added a 3×3 in front with a path between to frame the space. Ultimately, I did not change the footprint of the space too drastically as I moved everything back toward the fence and closer to the shed.

      After some research, I decided on cedar because of it’s durability without needing chemicals. It is more expensive, but it should last fifteen years.

      Our local Menards had everything we needed and was able to cut the 12ft timber into more manageable 9ft and 3ft sections  (they then fit in my car). Hubby cut and assembled the frames over a couple of weekends. Prior to filling, we cleared the area of weeds with a strimmer and put a weed barrier down inside the containers and also along the path. Then we filled the beds with a nutrient rich dirt from a local garden center. I had them deliver it out front of the house and then we filled the containers. When I say we, I mean Hubby, Granna, and Grumpy as Bear decided she needed to nurse all day and only allowed me to supervise. We then soaked the dirt to settle it down and to add moisture before planting.

      Granna a great idea and put down mulch for the path area instead of grass. It is holding up quite nicely. I do want to add a lip around the top to finish off the planters, but otherwise I am really happy with how it has turned out.

      image

      Now everything has grown in and it’s a bit of a jungle, but the veggies are doing well. We have green beans galore right now!

      image

      …and hopefully we will have tons of winter squash too. Had an attack of squash borer earlier in the season, so my vines are recovering and I had to reseed my summer squash.

      Posted in DIY, Gardening | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment