The woes of a working mama…

It’s been a little over a month since I returned to the working world and we are all still adjusting.  It is certainly strange.  I can only liken it to living two lives and trying to merge them.  I was an employee and a wife before Monkey came around; then I was a mum full time when Monkey arrived and was able to keep that life for four months; now I am a part time mum, full time employee, and a wife sometime in between… the only way to describe this new life is complicated!

It is safe to say that this is still a work in progress… hubby has been instrumental at keeping our house moving.  Without him, we would be drowning in washing for sure!  Nothing is perfect and we are still working out the kinks.  Our relationship has had to become more scheduled, which is hard for hubby.  We are trying a “date night” once a week at home.  I need a scheduled night so that I don’t feel like I am pulling him away from something and also so that I remember that we are doing it.  Might sound strange to some, but for me… its how my brain is wired.  Too many things going on, if its not on my calendar, its not going to happen!

I have been working a ton since I went back.  September is one of the busiest months in my line of work, so over time has been abundant.  The only issue is that with pumping and wanting to spend what little time I can with Monkey, overtime is stressful.  I have been able to stay on top of my pumping, although I am constantly paranoid that I will not have enough milk pumped each day for her to eat.  We do have a freezer stash, but I don’t want to use that unless we need it.  I try to stay a day ahead (so I am not pumping for the following day, but rather the day after), but some days it is hard.  I am lucky in that I am usually able to work from home at night.  I generally get home, spend time with Monkey and hubby, eat dinner, get Monkey ready for bed, put her to bed and then start working.  That means I am usually working from 7:30am-5:pm and then from 8pm to between 10/11pm.  Makes for a very long day, but I want to spend time with Monkey, so its the trade off.

Before returning to work I felt myself pulling away from her.  Like I was trying to emotionally distance myself so that leaving her would not hurt as much.  I still think I am doing it a little bit, but not nearly as much.  It is very tough.  Even thinking about it now is making me sad… but there is not much we can do about it right now.  I do enjoy working… but I love being a mum.  I really feel like, for me, the two do not coexist at all.  I know some working mother’s do well with the two lives blending and mixing… maybe in time this will happen for me too.  Until then, I will just have count downs to the holidays when I have time off planned.

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About Emma BL

In the begining, there was just the two of us, then there were furbabies, and then a baby! We started trying to conceive in Nov 2010, but experienced complications and a miscarriage. Finally in April 2012 we welcomed Monkey and Bear joined in 2015. While preggo and trying to become preggo with Monkey, I often hit the web search for information about what is happening to me and I hope that through sharing my experiences, others gain some knowledge. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on the internet. So take all my experiences and advice with a grain of salt! Now that Monkey and Bear are around and we have made the transition to parents... we try to answer the question "is there life after the baby bump?"
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3 Responses to The woes of a working mama…

  1. Brenda Stanek says:

    I also stayed at home with my Little Man until he was 4 months old and then went back to work. Your post is almost exactly what I do everyday! Nice to see that another mother waited to get back to work and now is what I like to call a ‘super mom’. Keep it up! It will only get easier!

  2. morasmum says:

    Hi ELBL, I came back to work in may and those first few weeks the guilt and sadness i felt was so much that i remember spending the ride to and from work just stating all the facts on why I should resign.
    Things have got better: my son didn’t stop loving me (as I was sure it would happen 🙂 ) , my relationship didn’t struggle but the house is still a mess !!!!
    You and your family will find a new balance, and you’ll be able to enjoy your two worlds: work and family.

    Hang in there, things will get easier

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